


Let Me Take You There

by natacup82



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Comment Fic, F/M, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:26:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2841290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natacup82/pseuds/natacup82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy/Coulson surprise!baby kid fic. WIP AMNESTY</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Untitled Kidfic

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time I was writing Darcy/Coulson at shoemaster. It seemed like a good idea. Will not be finished.

"I'm not sure I understand," Phil says looking down at the baby squirming in the woman's arms. 

The woman rocked the baby a bit and looked up, "The will was quite clear Mr. Coulson. Mrs. Jones, your cousin, wanted her child to go to her last living relative and after an extensive search I can confirm that is you."

Phil stared, "That's insane."

"Yes well, aliens attacked New York last year so I think we all need to reevaluate our idea of insanity. Little Margaret here is currently your responsibility. If you want to give her up for adoption my firm can handle that but I'm afraid I'm going to be forced to remand her into your care for the time being."

And before Phil can protest the woman had passed off the baby, her car seat and a bag of other baby things and was out the door. 

"Right," Phil says looking down at his second-cousin, "No offense kid but I prefer babysitting heavily armed adults."

He heads back to SHIELD HQ and glares at every person who even looks like they want to ask a question about the baby. 

He manages to get into his office without passing Darcy, Hawkeye or Black Widow which is a small miracle and gets Maggie down for a nap on the couch. 

An hour later his door swings open and Darcy stomps in asking, "Boss, what's the deal with this rumor about you and a-" 

Phil cuts her off, "quiet please," and nods a head toward the couch. 

Darcy turns and says, "Oh my god." Darcy tiptoes over to the couch and whispers, "I don't normally like tiny poop machines but look at these cheeks!"

"Yes, she is very cute and now very awake," Phil says stepping around Darcy to pick her up. He let's her gnaw on his tie and tries not to think about how you get baby spit off Versace.

Darcy stares at him for a second, "Huh," she says.

"What?" Phil asks, eyes narrowed. 

"Nothing, you're just kind of a natural with... is this your kid? Oh god do you have a secret family?"

Phil raises his eyebrows, "No, on all of that. My cousin died and for some reason thought I was an appropriate guardian for her daughter. I'm looking after her until other arrangements can be made." 

"Other arrangements like another member of your family?" Darcy asks and then, "And how are you going to take care of a kid with your schedule?"

Phil sighs, "Other arrangements like adoption and I'll figure something out. This doesn't concern you."

Darcy snorts, "I get yelled at when you're not around. I'm not sticking around here while you play mister mom for however long. I'll just go home with you and help out and figure out a daycare situation for little my uncle phil hasn't told anyone my name yet."

"It's Margaret and you are not coming home with me," Phil says trying pick the most problematic things out of what Darcy has said. 

Darcy rolls her eyes, "Keep telling yourself that. Okay, give me the kid and go not be late for your meeting with Director Fury."

Phil hesitates. He trusts Darcy but this is family and not overly fond of handing her over without knowing where she's going.

Darcy sighs, "I promise she will not be on any floor that could potentially have traffic from any enemy of SHIELD okay? God you're going to be one of those paranoid Dad's aren't you?"

Phil let's Darcy take Margaret, "There are a lot of dangerous people in this building at any time, friendly and non. And this is the last living member of my family so I'd like to make sure she stays safe." 

"You have my word I'll watch her like she's mine okay?" Darcy says. 

"Fine, but I'm going to be in meetings until after 7pm so she'll need to be fed and changed and-"

Darcy laughs, "Yeah I got it, and I've got the key to your place so don't worry about it."

"How do you-" Phil starts but Darcy cuts him off. "You're gonna be late boss."

"We're not done talking about this," Phil says sliding on his suit jacket and grabbing his files. "I mean it Darcy."

"Sure, sure," Darcy says, "Wave goodbye to uncle daddy Maggie!"

Phil narrows his eyes and walks away. Nothing good is going to come from that.

*

Phil gets out of his meeting last meeting with Fury and Hill a little before 7pm and heads back to his office hoping that Darcy stuck around and does not in fact have a key to his apartment. 

When he gets back her desk is empty and his office is dark. "Great," he mumbles pulling out his phone.

It rings three times before Darcy picks up, "Hi Boss!"

"Darcy, I'll be home within an hour so if you can just get Margaret ready for bed I'd appreciate it."

"No problem, and you can pick up dinner," Darcy says, "I don't know how people juggle a baby, a bag of diapers and stuff and groceries because I sure as hell couldn't."

Phil narrows his eyes and jabs the elevator button a little harder than necessary, "Why were you carrying grocery bags?"

Darcy laughs, "Did you even look at the list of stuff that woman gave you? Your apartment was not ready for tiny human at all." 

"Fine."

"Also I got a crib and a baby monitor because it's not safe for her to sleep on a bed yet."

Phil pauses, he hadn't even thought about where she was going to sleep yet, "Thank you."

"No problem. I want sushi, make it happen. Later." Darcy says hanging up before Phil can argue. 

There's music playing. 

That's the first thing Phil notices when he steps out of the elevator on his floor. And he really hopes it's not coming from his apartment, he's spent years cultivating an unobtrusive persona and he doesn't want a few hours of Darcy Lewis to ruin it.

It's coming from his apartment. 

Phil sighs and unlocks the door and. 

Darcy is dancing around his living room with his baby cousin in her arms. And Margaret is laughing, giggling something he hasn't heard her do yet. 

He stops and watches for a second and then feels like a pervert and says, "What are you doing?"

"Shit," Darcy says spinning around and then, "I mean crap, please don't learn that word from me." 

She looks up, "Your baby is kind of temperamental. Here," Darcy says, moving to hand him the baby, "I give you a baby in need of a new diaper, you give me my dinner."

Darcy steps up into Phil's space, grabs the bags and slips the baby into his arms and whispers, "Okay Maggie, let's go back to Uncle Phil! And look he has a new tie for you."

Phil narrows his eyes at Darcy as Margaret immediately fists his tie and puts it into her mouth, "I wasn't aware you two were on to nicknames already."

Darcy laughs and heads toward the small table that mainly serves as a mail dumping ground instead of a dining room, "Oh yeah me and baby M go way back. All the way to this afternoon when she threw up on me on the subway."

"That is a thing babies do. And you volunteered," Phil says started to pace as the baby starts to cry. 

Darcy snorts, setting up at the little dining room table. "Yeah well she also threw up here on one of your shirts so enjoy that."

"Charming," Phil says, finally noticing that Darcy is wearing one of his old navy t-shirts and shorts that leave way more skin than Phil is used to seeing. 

Phil clears his throat, "Isn't it time you head home?"

"My clothes are still in the dryer and I'm not super convinced you can handle that little lady on your own, she's feisty." Darcy says before popping a piece of sushi in her mouth. 

Phil laughs, "I babysit anti-social people with superpowers for a living, an actual baby is a cake walk."

"So you already have a plan on how you're on the helicarrier tomorrow morning at 6am and Maggie has some sort of day care?" Darcy asks raising an eyebrow. 

Phil closes his eyes, "Shit."

"That's what I thought, I'm fine on the couch."

Phil opens his eyes and glares at her, "You're not sleeping on the damn couch. You can take my bedroom, I'm assuming the crib is in my office?" And at Darcy's nod, he adds, "Fine then I'll take the sofa. Just leave the baby monitor out here."

"You know my delicate lady body can handle sleeping on a couch, half of my weekends in college were spent couch surfing." 

Phil rolls his eyes and starts walking toward the office, "And while that is charming, guests don't sleep on the couch. Deal with it."

Darcy yells, "You can keep trying to disguise your attempts at chivalry with manners, but I know better," at his back. 

And Phil mutters, "Whatever you need to tell yourself," before closing the door. 

Margaret, he refuses to even think of her as Maggie - there are too many family memories attached to that nickname, has finally calmed down a bit and he knows she'll need a new diaper before he can put her down for what he hopes is at least a few hours of sleep.

Phil gets a couple of hours sleep, Margaret wakes up twice. Once not long after he finally gets comfy and again around two.

His alarm goes off at 4 and he swings his legs off the couch and groans.

"You keep making sounds like that I'm going to start to think you don't actually like mornings," Darcy says, voice coming from somewhere near the kitchen.

Phil looks over, "It's four am, when it's actually morning I'll be happy. For now I need to check on Margaret, get coffee and then get to HQ." He can't see her but he hears things happening in the kitchen and he almost doesn't want to know.

Darcy walks out of the kitchen holding two mugs, "Here," she says handing a mug to Phil. "I checked on her a little while ago, she's still sleeping so I figured I'd get us our first caffeine hit of the day."

Darcy sits down on the other end of the couch folding her legs under her. "If you want breakfast you're gonna need to handle that yourself."

"Thanks," Phil says before taking a sip. "Today is definitely a Krispie Kreme kind of day I think, as long as you don't share with the junior agents."

Darcy snorts, "Like I'm willing to share with those losers. Anyone who comes near my donuts can look forward to meeting my taser."

Phil smiles, "I knew there was a reason I hired you."

"It's because I was willing to tase a Norse god after running him over."

"There is that," Phil says standing up, "I'm going to grab a shower, if you can keep an ear out for Margaret and-"

Darcy waves him off, "I know start getting you a game plan for child care, check to make sure you're still a go this morning, yada yada yada. I got it covered, shower."


	2. Darcy/Coulson comment fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy/Coulson UST comment!fic thing.

Okay so in Thor he pretty much confiscates all of Jane's research/equipment so that is technically when he meets Darcy. And I could see him just kind of hand in his head classifying them as: Lady Scientist, Swedish Male Scientist, Cute Girl - Too young and moving on.

But then when Jane starts working for/with SHIELD Darcy is around all of the time. And Fury makes him kind of manage them/keep them out of trouble so he keeps having to interact with Darcy. And she's funny and a giant smart ass but also when some agent decided to get in her face she tasered him without a second thought so Coulson has this totally shameful crush. And she's almost 10 years younger than him so he feels like a complete pervert. Plus she flirts with everybody so it's not like it means anything when she tries with him.

Basically his life is the actual worst. And then they put the Avengers together and he has to wrangle a bunch of superpowered pain in the asses and handle his whole ~thing~ about Darcy. And also deal with goddamn Tony Stark who is the exact kind of asshole who would aggressively flirt back.

He buys good coffee for the coffee maker! SHE'LL APPRECIATE THAT.

Tony sends her flowers after she does some minor thing for him and she puts one in her hair.

And then dances with Steve.

Coulson glares at his paperwork.

He buys her chocolate when she has a bad day, but it's from the vending machine because that's just more practical than getting something fancy that she's not guaranteed to like.

But he still figures that it's just not very impressive compared to the stuff the other guys could give her so he doesn't really try any more. Plus he's pretty sure Fury is laughing at him.

He lets himself be dragged out to happy hour type things because she's going and well. It seemed like a good idea before she was drunk and touching everyone.

And then after that night ends in disaster and the Avengers end up taking out three building trying to take down some - Coulson honestly has no idea what the hell it is, maybe an alien gorilla or something - then he has to deal with the insane mountain of paperwork. It's not that it's exactly his job but he knows that of all of them maybe Steve and Natasha will actually do it accurately and it's just not worth the trouble.

So he ends up in SHIELD HQ super late. He sends everybody home, and ends up arguing with Darcy.

"I'm awesome at paperwork, you think Jane actually would remember to file a grant on time?"

Phil says, "I can handle it." He's not going to get over this _thing_ if he keeps being stuck alone with her. And he absolutely has to get over it, it's pathetic.

Darcy snorts, "That stack is as big as my old poli sci textbook. Seriously let me help."

Phil sighs, "Darcy."

"Phil." Darcy says raising her eyebrows and doing some approximation of his most serious face.

"You don't have the security clearance to see any of the paperwork I'm doing," Phil says, and at the look she gives him, "but thank you for offering."

In hindsight, he shouldn't be surprised to find out that the next morning she submitted a request for higher clearance to Fury.

Fury asks, "Did you put her up to this?"

"Do I seem like I'd do something that ridiculous?"

Fury laughs, "Good point. Although you probably do need an assistant."

Phil glares. The last thing he needs is Darcy working for him. "If you want to hire her she can work for Hill."

Fury raises his eyebrow, "Still?" He doesn't elaborate.

"Yes. And I don't want to talk about this. Ever."

Fury shakes his head, "Alright. Hill gets a new assistant. You get to keep avoiding your girlfriend."

Phil breaks out the glare he usually reserves for dealing with Tony Stark, "It's not like that. She thinks I'm some kind of nerdy uncle type."

It's not really something he likes to think about it. But it's fine, it's better that he's actually aware of it so he doesn't embarrass himself or get too attached. He works with overgrown children with superpowers; he doesn't need any other things to worry about.

"Right," Fury says.

An alarm goes off before Phil can say something bordering on insubordinate.

"Can we drop this sir? Apparently we have another emergency." Phil says, already standing up to head out.

"You still need an assistant." 

"No I don't."

It's a minor catastrophe and the Avengers have it resolved within a few hours but Phil still has a mountain of paperwork and dust all over his suit.

He makes sure all of the Avengers head back to HQ to debrief and gets cornered by Agent Hill before he can yell about destruction of private property.

"Why do I suddenly have an assistant who's friends with a norse god?" Maria asks blocking him from passing.

Phil rolls his eyes, "Because you need an assistant and she already has security clearance?"

"She'd make more sense working with you."

"I don't need an assistant and I work better on my own."

Maria snorts, "Bullshit."

"Are we done? I have pre-paperwork yelling to do."

"Fine, but you owe me Coulson." She says stepping out of the way and walking toward her office.

*

It's another late, late work day because Tony Stark is a reckless asshole. All of the Avengers are out of the building at least so Phil has time to work uninterrupted but he's missed dinner, his coffee is cold and this week they've destroyed public property.

For a second Phil thinks about how he would only have half as much crap to deal with if took Fury up on the offer of an assistant. So far Darcy's been able to get Hill out of HQ by seven most days.

There's a knock on his door around 10:30, Phil does a mental rundown comparing who should be at HQ for the overnight shift versus who would be knocking on his door and comes up blank.

Everyone who should be on base this late wouldn't bother to knock.

"Come in," he says curious but prepped for something that should probably not be his problem.

The door opens and Darcy pops her head in, "Hey boss man."

"What are you doing here?" Phil blurts and then, "You don't work for me."

Darcy rolls her eyes and steps into the office drops a bag on Phil's desk and sits down.

"I was at the mansion earlier and Steve said you were still here when he left for dinner. So I come bearing Chinese."

Phil narrows his eyes, "Why?"

"Because you're a stubborn jackass who doesn't know when to break for meals?" Darcy asks.

Phil glares at her. He doesn't need her charming him more, "Darcy."

"Phil, eat your damn dinner." Darcy says glaring back at him.

Phil sighs, "Fine, thank you." He puts his stack of paperwork aside, takes the container out of the bag and digs in.

He looks up once and Darcy is sitting there with her arms crossed and a smug look on her face.

"There's need to look that smug."

Darcy smiles, "Sure. So can I ask you a question?"

Phil nods, looking up from his food.

"Why don't you like me?" Darcy asks.

"What?"

"I mean I get that I'm not some super badass soldier or scientist or anything but I'm smart and I'm pretty damn funny."

Phil frowns and says quietly, "I like you."

Darcy snorts, "So why did I get offered a job working for Maria Hill?"

"I made a recommendation to Director Fury based on your skills. I thought working with Agent Hill would be a good opportunity for you." Phil drops his fork and forces himself to look directly at Darcy. He's not lying even if he's not telling the complete truth, "I think she'll be a great mentor if you decide to pursue a career with SHIELD."

"It'd make more sense if I was working for you, I spend all of my free time with the Avengers already."

Phil sighs, "I don't need an assistant. At some point you people will actually hear me when I say it."

Darcy laughs, "It's kind of hard to take you seriously when you're sitting in your office at 11pm doing paperwork." And then she says, "Come on, give me a shot. I'd get you even more creepily organized and I'd have your out of here early enough to go out dancing."

"I don't dance." Phil says. Nothing about this is even remotely a good idea.

Darcy smiles, "I could teach you? Come on! Give me a chance here."

Phil knows it's a bad idea. He has made entire lists in his head about why it's an incredibly terrible idea but Darcy is smiling at him and he already knows he's lost. "Fine."

"Yay!" Darcy claps, "You won't regret this."

And then she grabs the rest of the stack of paperwork and gets to work. Phil is self aware enough to know he's screwed.

*

Darcy is ridiculously good at the job. She knows when to step in and deal with Stark when he's doing all he can to push everyone's buttons, how to cheer Steve up when he gets all quiet and withdrawn thinking about all of his long dead friends and how to explain things to Thor so they don't have to deal with even more destroyed property.

It's a problem. Phil was hoping that she'd get bored with the endless paperwork and baby sitting and transfer back to Hill. Instead he gets things like Fury stopping by his office and saying, "Don't scare her away. We need people who don't blink when dealing with insanity."

Phil would laugh at that if he was in the habit of showing any sign of a sense of humor around Director Fury. He'd tried in the first few days to throw so much work at Darcy that she'd want to quit and wouldn't have more opportunities to get caught staring.

But she does it all and asks for more, like it's not a big deal to be buried under work. He asks, once, how she keeps up and she just says, "I work best under extreme pressure."

And he says, "Well I guess you picked the right place to work," before he has time to think about it.

Darcy smiles at him and for a second Phil thinks that maybe this isn't such a bad idea and then she says, "Thanks boss!"

"No problem, get back to work." Phil replies and then he goes into his office, closes the door and puts his head down on his desk for a minute because the list of reasons why his thing for her is pathetic just keeps growing.

Phil doesn't give himself much time to wallow, he just puts his head down for a few minutes and then accepts that he needs to get over it because it will only get worse.

He lifts his head and gets back to work. It's only twenty minutes before his door is opening and Natasha is walking in.

Phil raises an eyebrow, "Problem?"

Natasha looks at her nails and then looks at Phil, "You're distracted. It needs to stop."

"I'm working on it."

"Work faster." Natasha says.

Phil sighs, "If you're not going to offer anything useful to help this conversation is pointless."

Natasha leans back in the chair, "I've been thinking of some options."

Phil narrows his eyes at her, "Are these options I'm going to like?"

"It's too early to tell. But I'm not bringing anyone else in on this. The team is unreliable for this kind of work."

"Fine. When do we start?" Phil asks.

"We'll start tomorrow. It might even be fun," Natasha smiles, it's the same smile she uses when she agrees to help train an agent and then spends an hour beating them up.

Phil has never been arrogant or stupid enough to step onto a mat with Natasha and he really doesn't like having that smile directed at him.

*

The next day when Phil is finally ready to leave HQ and head home, it's around 7pm so he's still getting out much earlier, Natasha is waiting at Darcy's desk.

She's out of uniform, wearing a red dress and heels and once again Phil has a feeling he isn't going to like anything that she has planned.

"Natasha."

Natasha smiles, "Philip." She doesn't say anything else and Phil tries to wait her out.

"Darcy." Darcy cuts in and at Phil's raised eyebrow, "What? We're all standing around saying each other's names. I felt left out."

"Right. How silly of me to think to ask." Phil says and then turns back to Natasha, "What's going on?"

Natasha raises an eyebrow at him, "Dinner. We discussed this yesterday."

Phil digests that for a second, realizes that plan might actually be to make Darcy jealous and tries not to laugh. It's absolutely ridiculous.

"If your idea of dinner involves air travel you're paying."

"I'd just steal Stark's jet. Let's go." Natasha says and holds out her hand.

Phil rolls his eyes, tucks her hand in the crook of his elbow and says, "Darcy make sure any emergency calls are forwarded to my cell."

"You got it boss." Darcy says eyes wide. And then she yells as they're walking out of the last set of doors, "Have fun!"

*

Phil waits until they're in the elevator heading down to get a car to comment on Natasha's plan. "Did you let Barton help with this plan?"

"No. She flirts with you. She'll either be jealous and curious enough to ask around about us or she'll start the gossip and we'll know she's not serious about it."

Phil raises an eyebrow at her.

"Either way we'll know where you stand and have a dozen mid-level agents wanting to sleep with you when we break up."

Phil pinches the bridge of his nose, "Did you start a rumor that we're dating and just neglect to tell me?"

Natasha sighs, "Of course not. I just showed up at your office at the end of the day, flirted with you and had you take me to dinner." She smiles and steps into his personal space, one arm going around his shoulders, "I was going to push you up against the wall in the garage and kiss you. Make sure it was caught on the security camera."

"I will not hesitate to tase you if you try."

Natasha laughs, "You're such a romantic," and she steps away. "We'll go grab dinner and do some recon on a target. It'll be fun."

"Fine," Phil says, "I hope I get to punch someone tonight."

*

Phil gets home relatively early, at least early for going out and getting into trouble with Natasha with a broken nose, a black eye and a suspect in SHIELD custody.

He gets about three hours of sleep before the Avengers are called up to handle some new Hydra clusterfuck. It's stupid and if it wasn't keeping Phil from his bed he'd be laughing about the complete lack of organization involved in the Hydra plan of attack.

After they're done cleaning up he's got just enough time to stop at home to change and get back to the office by 9am. The junior agents gossiping in the hall stop when they see him, smiling in a way that makes Phil uncomfortable. Sometimes he really wishes he didn't listen to Natasha.

He passes Darcy and doesn't comment when her eyes go wide after he says good morning.

"Holy shit, what happened to you?" Darcy asks jumping up from her desk and following Phil into his office.

"Nothing, it's fine." Phil says, turning and leaning on his desk. He tries out the glare he usually reserves for Stark when he's skating the edge of sexually harassing the junior agents.

Darcy makes a disgusted sound, "Don't use that face on me. Did you even go to medical? Your nose looks broken!" And then she bullies him into a chair, steps into his space and starts poking at his nose.

Phil sighs, "Going to medical didn't seem necessary. You're overreacting."

"I'm not overreacting, you're being a dumbass." Darcy says and then she mumbles, "Do all of your dates with Natasha end up black eyes?"

Phil rolls his eyes, "When I actually go on a date with Natasha I'll let you know. You really shouldn't listen to the junior agent's gossip."

"Junior Agents know what's going on first." Darcy says pressing down hard to realign his nose, "Plus you might want to remember there are cameras in the elevators."

Phil sighs, "You shouldn't believe anything you see when you're dealing with SHIELD agents. That should be in the employee manual I'm sure you haven't had time to read."

Darcy glares and opens her mouth to say something when Barton pops his head into the office.

"Sir?" Clint says and then he looks at Phil and at Darcy standing between his legs with her hands on his face. "Um. I could come back later. Much later. Yeah I'm gonna-" he jerks a thumb back out of the office and leaves.

"Of course," Phil says rolling his eyes skyward. "Are you done trying not to yell at me? I need to go track down Barton before another rumor gets started." Clint can only be trusted not to gossip when the stakes are high, when its agency interpersonal issues he's the biggest loud mouth on base.

"Clint won't start a rumor about Natasha beating you up," Darcy says, "You're being ridiculous."

Phil stares at her, that is one hundred percent not what he's worried about but it makes sense. Darcy sees him as nothing more than a older friend, she's wouldn't notice the way it would look to someone else. "That's not what I was-" then he stops cutting himself off, "You're right. Are we done? I've got a meeting."

"Yeah I'm done," Darcy says stepping back and tilting Phil's head from side to side, "You still need to stop by medical."

"I'll think about it."

"That means you're not going to do it." Darcy says.

Phil stands up and walks Darcy to the door of his office, "And yet you keep trying to get me to change my mind. Get back to work Darcy."

*

It takes him two hours to track down Barton.

In that time Stark hoots at him about his way with the ladies, Thor stops him to explain the honorable practice of taking multiple wives among the lower nobility and Banner just looks at him, blushes and walks away.

"Right," Phil sighs, "This is exactly what I need right now."

Barton's in the gym when Phil finds him, talking to an increasingly uncomfortable looking Steve Rogers.

"Barton!" Phil yells, walking across the gym, "We need to have a little chat."

Clint turns and smiles, "Of course sir."

Phil cuts his eyes at Rogers, "Captain can you excuse us for a few minutes?"

"Oh sure, absolutely." Steve says, and then he walks across the room, pausing at the door, "Um."

"Please don't comment on any of the gossip floating around base. Nothing's blown up in a few hours so everyone is bored and making things up."

Steve looks embarrassed for a second, says,"Right, I'll see you two at the briefing later," and then walks out.

Phil turns back to Clint, "What exactly has Natasha told you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about sir," Clint says not giving any outward sign of lying. Phil needs to make sure to commend him on that sometime.

"You know we have an arms dealer we just tracked to Siberia who needs a set of eyes on him, is this your oh so subtle attempt to get the assignment?"

Clint stares at him for a second, "Natasha hasn't really given me a lot of information," he pauses, "but it seemed like her plan is working."

Phil glares at him, "I hate you both so very much," then he sighs, "Find Romanov and be in my office in an hour. That's not a request."

*

Phil glares at Clint and Natasha as they sit in the chairs in front of his desk. Normally they aren't in his office for pissing him off, at least not personally.

"You should stop glaring, the plan is working." Natasha says, she doesn't look remotely cowed by Phil's glare but generally nothing phases her.

Phil snorts, "Thor gave me a twenty minute explanation on the rules of plural marriage on Asgard," he looks at Clint, "Do I seem like a person who wants to deal with that?"

"He told me I'm entitled to first pick of the horses as first wife," Natasha says, just a hint of a smile trying to break through.

Clint laughs out loud.

"Yes, this is all very funny now shut it down. Call it a prank or whatever I don't care. But I want it common knowledge that I don't fraternize with SHIELD personnel. Dismissed."

Clint nods out a quick, "Yes sir," before getting up and heading out but Natasha doesn't move.

"Let's hear it," Phil says sitting back in his chair.

Natasha stares at him, "You're torpedoing your chances with Darcy. On purpose."

"My chances are non-existent. I'm being realistic and avoiding getting sued for sexual harassment." Phil says, "No more childish distractions, we've got work to do."

*

The rumors dry up quickly. Phil doesn't ask how they manage it he's just glad Hill isn't smirking at him anymore.

"You're being weird," Darcy says adjusting her glasses and staring as Phil walks into his office.

Phil stops, "Define weird."

"I don't know, you're just being-" she makes a face, "weird. Not normal. Is something going on?"

"Well that really cleared things up." Phil says continuing on into his office.

Darcy yells, "You don't have to be a dick about it," at his back.

"That's insubordination." Phil says and hears "Whatever!" as he's closing his door.

He gets an hour alone to read through some intel before Darcy barges into his office.

Phil looks up from his desk and raises an eyebrow.

Darcy frowns at him, "That eyebrow thing doesn't work on me you know."

"Did you want something? Or was I just being too productive for you?"

"Is this because you broke up with Natasha? Because that was never going to work out well for you."

Phil pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs, "I didn't break up with Natasha. We were not dating. Natasha just likes to mess with the junior agents heads. And I'm not being weird."

Darcy harrumphs, walks around to Phil's side of his desk and pokes him in the chest, "You're being a giant weirdo." She sits on the edge of his desk, makes him back his chair up, "Now tell me what's wrong so I can fix it for you."

"This whole pushy disregard of personal space thing is really annoying."

Darcy smiles, "You say annoying, I hear adorable."

"I don't really care what you hear," Phil sighs, "I appreciate your concern, but it's really not your job to fix my problems."

"It's totally my job to fix your problems," Darcy says, she leans forward, fans her right hand next to her mouth and says, sotto voice, "Plus I'm really good at it."

Phil leans back. Darcy's shirt is just on the edge of low cut. "I have no doubt that you're good at solving problems. But mine are personal."

Phil stands up and Darcy grabs his tie until they're almost nose to nose, "We're not done here."

Phil is off balance and way too far into Darcy's personal space, "There is nothing about this that's not grossly inappropriate."

"And yet you're not moving away."

"I'm not sure moving would help," Phil says, "What exactly are you doing here?"

Darcy sighs and loops Phil's tie around her hand pulling him closer, so close that he has to brace his hands on the desk on either side of her hips.

Darcy says, "I'm making a move," and then kisses him.

At first it's just the lightest press of her lips against his. And then Darcy parts her lips, deepens the kiss and Phil's hand find their way to her hips.

There are dueling thoughts running through Phil's head. For every excited moment of _Darcy is kissing me!_ there a thought about how it's an incredibly stupid thing to do. But he doesn't stop, doesn't think twice about stepping in closer to her, or running a hand down the thigh that's damn near wrapped around his waist.

Darcy pulls away first resting her forehead on Phil's shoulder and breathing heavy and says, "We should definitely do that more, on a bed. And then I can solve your actual problems."

Phil takes a deep breath and tries to clear his head. He wants this, wants Darcy but that little nagging _bad idea_ is blinking loud and clear in his head.

"Darcy-" Phil starts but she cuts him off.

"You know I've been blatantly throwing myself at you for at least three months?" Darcy says, she lifts her head of his shoulder and looks Phil in the eye, "Three months! If you try any of that _protocol and bad idea_ shit on me I will punch you in the throat."

Phil sighs, "I'm your boss Darcy."

"And yet your hand is still pretty far up my skirt," Darcy says with a smirk.

Phil looks down at his hand and takes a step back. "I'm serious."

Darcy sighs, and says, "So am I," slipping down off the desk. "I'm sure you can still be professional. You barely ever look down my shirt when I wear v-necks. Or I can go back to working for Hill."

"You're not going to give this up are you?" Phil asks. He's tired of fighting so hard against something he wants.

Darcy steps into his space and slides her arms around his neck, "Nope. Honestly you should know better by now."

"I really, really should," Phil says wrapping his arms around her waist. "I still think this is a bad idea."

Darcy laughs and says, "It's a good thing we're ignoring your opinion today," and then she reaches up and kisses him.

And for once Phil absolutely agrees with her.


End file.
